


to build a home.

by commonemergency



Category: Dan Howell - Fandom, Dan Howell and Phil Lester - Fandom, Phan, Phil Lester - Fandom, dan howell/phil lester - Fandom
Genre: Angst, Falling In Love, Fluff, Love, M/M, building homes out of people
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-19
Updated: 2016-10-19
Packaged: 2018-08-23 09:18:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,770
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8322403
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/commonemergency/pseuds/commonemergency
Summary: It’s been seven years since Dan and Phil first met. This is a reflection of the past seven years of them creating this world of Dan and Phil and building a home out of it.





	

**i.**

To some, seven years is not a long time. To others, it is a very, very long time. To Dan and Phil, it was long enough for it to be something that they would smile at each other about over a cup of coffee and a bowl of cereal, watching the next series on their long list of tv shows that they need to watch. They didn’t say much to each other when they woke up, in fact, it was rather silent, in the ways where there was a level of understanding. Because when you live for someone for that long, and you know them as well as Dan and Phil have known each other, things are _understood._

Like when it’s Phil’s turn to take out the rubbish, or Dan’s turn to load the dishwasher, or their attempts of trying to organize their laundry but Dan still mixes the colours and they end up with some pink hued clothing. And Phil always gets a little mad about it but only for a second because it’s understood, that there is a certain way that things work between them.

When Phil feels like lessamazingphil, Dan goes to the corner store saying that they need more milk, when the truth is, he will grab as much chocolate bars that he can fit into his hands to stuff into his pocket, and he’ll come back home and give them to Phil and sit next to him silently. Because Phil didn’t always have to be Amazing – because in truth, to Dan he always would be that. But there’s a silence, a silence that reads that, I know you’re there, I know you care, thank you for the chocolate. And there will be a hand that rests on Phil’s shoulder, a gentle squeeze, and a dimpled smile with warm soft eyes reflecting what he felt towards the boy.

Within those seven years Phil has had to learn Dan’s kind of drowning. When the big and scary thoughts would creep inside of him, trapping him in there for good, because maybe he wasn’t good enough. Maybe he let his parents down. Maybe he let himself down. Will things ever get better? Would anyone stay? The questions could keep the boy up for days, but Dan always knew that Phil was in it for the long haul, they wouldn’t be here otherwise.

**ii.**

“I never believed in anything,” Dan says in the quiet, hands interlocked, but his cheeks are heating up, and prior, he had called Phil an insulting name which resulted in Dan getting his hair messed up. It was the moments like this where Dan didn’t feel like he was eighteen but where he felt much younger, looking into the other boy’s light blue eyes. “but I believe in you.” Dan can’t remember every praying or believing in anything in his life, other than the fact that the sun would set and rise, and that inevitably everyone would die. Believing in someone like Phil was putting trust into something unknown. That – that in itself was scary.

Phil steadies Dan’s hands, the small smile on his lips and foreheads together. To be young and in love was such a rarity these days, but he’s glad that Dan took the risk to come and see him. It had meant more to Phil than what he’d lead on. The fact that Dan came to him first after believing that he’d always care for other people more had proved something to Phil. He cared. He cared. He cared.

“I won’t let you down,” Phil whispers back, afraid that if they spoke any louder, the bubble that was around them would pop.

**iii.**

There were times, when the third year mark hit, when Dan thought if this was all worth it in the end, he didn’t know where he was going. They were both a bit distant, but not much had changed that much. Just there were more silences, and not the kind that was welcoming. Maybe, it just had to do with the fact of being twenty-one. Hitting that age never came with grace.

Dan’s kind of drowning to Phil felt like Sunday nights, knowing that the week was over and a new one would begin, but it wasn’t the fresh kind of start, it was one that felt like when winter had been dragged for too long. It was the kind of drowning when you’re in the middle of an argument and you’ve given up and you stand there and accept the fact that you’ll be going your separate ways soon. It was the kind of drowning when the anxiety reaches to your throat and you feel like you’re suffocating. Yet, underneath all of that drowning, there’s a moment where it becomes freefalling. When one went flying off the edge, the other went as well.

So maybe this is all they got – this one single moment. When Phil let go to fall off that edge, Dan had grabbed his hand and said, a silent, I’m sorry. Because with enough love, a couple of years of mending, could you fall back in that place once again.

**iv.**

Like with every winter comes a spring morning. Dan and Phil’s spring comes over typed words, secret videos, and laughter behind closed doors with stale pizza and numerous coffee trips, and half pints of ribena and lime crisps. Their spring morning was falling asleep on the couch over reminiscing of university, jobs, friends, and the day they first met.

Halfway through the book they come to terms that they are a safe bet for the other, of course, it had always been thought of in private, respectively, but putting your trust in someone was a big deal to the both of them. Because they’ve had friends before, but they’ve never had the kind of best friend that they were together – until they met each other. They had never truly realized the weight of their friendship until the last word has been typed of their book, and when that book was released into the world and reading all those responses to people who told them they were proud of them, it doesn’t really hit them until then that, even though they did create this world, it wasn’t particularly made it to what it was now – they cemented the foundation, held onto each other’s hands while the people that watched them built onto it. Because if Dan were to say they were like something, he would say that they were like a house.

Both of them were – iin ways where they had some things inside both of them that needed to be fixed, and they were a little lonely at one point, but coming together, to create this… thing, it was like the broken pieces that they were so afraid of staying like that had been glued back together, and they had solidified each other’s foundation. Because a house was more than just a roof over your head – it was the inside of it that counts. After the first couple of years of a scary unknown, from turning to best friends into a small family of two, including a few houseplants and trinkets, they were more.

Spring and summer was good to them this year but nothing would compete with Fall. There were too many firsts when Fall came, and them meeting was one of them.

**v.**

( **AmazingPhil.** February 10th, 2009. **Robot Death Machine.** )

“ _—- The future, the knight of wands. So some guy is going to have a big impact, an energetic warrior. He has a hasty personality and is very quick to love or hate. Hm. Interesting. I’m glad it wasn’t like- death. Okay um, I’m gonna go… eat some crisps. That’s the first thing that came to my head. No, I’m gonna go change the world in ways you could not believe._ ”

In the span of those seven years they accomplished more than what they would have ever thought, the foundation upon those four walls that they built was stronger than ever, when November comes Dan and Phil would have two books, a world tour, two movies, millions subscribers and counting underneath their belt, and so much more in store.

Dan and Phil had always been afraid of the future, what it would bring, but they had known all along that regardless- no matter what may come, they had always had each other to fall back on. Because they knew that seven years was a long time, in the grand scheme of things, so much has happened, not just to them but the people that had followed them. They had grown up online, and had gotten a level of confidence that neither had to really start with.

vi.

( **Dan Howell and Phil Lester**. October 8th, 2015. **The Amazing Book Is Not On Fire.** )

_“I have scratched at least a tiny mark in an infinitely small part of the universe,”_

The universe was this big and scary thing, or at least, it used to be, sometimes it still was on the bad days, but for the most part – Dan didn’t feel so small anymore, at least not a threatening kind of small. Over the years he had come to accept the fact that this was his life now, and though he couldn’t control everything he could control the effect that he had on his portion of the universe. Or the universe that he and Phil had created together, woven by people who cared about them. When it was all said and done, he was proud of what they had accomplished.

**vii.**

( **@AmazingPhil**. October 18th, 2009. **Twitter. **)****

( :D **@danisnotonfire** gets here tomorrow ) 

Once upon a time Dan was skeptical about the fact that there was someone out there for everyone in the world, but after talking to Phil online and sitting on that goddamn train for too long with the nerves in his stomach, threatening to choke him, and the freedom of finally being able to get off, and the cool breeze of fall, seeing his best friend waiting for him, he nods his head once. Yeah, maybe there is someone for everyone. 

The date is October 19th, 2016, Dan and Phil still haven’t done much other than watch tv and answered some emails. After these past couple of months of completing their tour and putting the movies up, they sit on the couch and enjoy the silence of each other’s company before they go on with their day. And although it may just be another day, it was their day. And neither of them have felt so much more at home until…. Now. 

**Author's Note:**

> happy seven years to Dan and Phil. They’ve made me the happiest that I have ever been and I really don’t know where I’d be without them. Comments and Kudos are appreciated as always.


End file.
